First Gander

  At 09.43 yestermorn, (made that word up, spread it), Elouise and I first laid eyes on what will be our child. We arrived early thanks to Laura, Elouise's mum who drove us to Tameside Hospital. I've worked in cleaner kitchens. Mid-service... I'm sure it's up to standards and all, but it looks like a 60's office block/high school hybrid. That said, there was an amazing original Cadillac parked up near the pregnant people place. Hopefully get a photo next time. But yeah, it was beautiful and brightened the place up a bit. That and the DB9 round the corner. If it was on The Sims, then my "room" stat would have gone up a bit because of the cars, but that's about it. All credit to the doctors and their taste in motors...

  Anyways, we were seen to a little early which was a bonus. We walked into this darkened room with the curtains drawn. It was nice as I'm not normally up before 3pm and the sunlight had been toasting my eyeballs.

  There was a sort of table thing for El to lie on, and a chair tucked in the corner for me to sit on. I sat down and scooched a little forward to try and see the screen, but the obstetrician wouldn't allow it. She explained that this was so that I wouldn't see anything unusual first and cause a panic, as it had happened before and had been "quite traumatic".

  She then picked up a carton of jelly that was running low and jolted some out. While the scan was taking place it seemed to take forever. I was thinking back over what she had said and worst case scenarios kept crossing my mind. Thankfully the obstetrician said it was all gravy, and we could take a look. You could see its' little arms and legs fidgeting, and it did some sort of somersault. Elouise says it has my big nose, and that it's a boy. For saying that, I hope it's a girl with her fat arse...

   

 (P.s. I'm joking please don't snap my FIFA disc.) 

  After the scan El had to have a couple of mini-appointments. One of these I think was to discuss something about the scan. The little fella was so curled up they couldn't measure the amount of fluid around the neck, which is what they look for when predicting Downs syndrome. Because of this Elouise has to go for blood tests to double check, but it's all routine so no worries.

  The other appointment is to make sure mum-to-be is happy and well looked after, i.e. not being abused, I assure you, she is well and good hence this went swimmingly. 

  I just want to add that during this time waiting (as I wasn't allowed in to these mini-appointments), I was accompanied by Laura. She is amazing. Not only does she dote over Elouise which reassures me of what a great grandmother she'll be, but she looked at things from my point of view and put me at ease, even at a time when her daughter was a greater concern, and that meant a lot. 

  ***

   I took a wander at one point to call my sister and got a little lost outside the antenatal ward. I shit you not, there was a woman around my age not far from popping, sat on the kerb outside with a roll-up.

She saw me looking at her and clearly could not give two.

  I am a smoker myself and plan to quit sooner rather than later, and El quit the day she found out we were pregnant. So I'm not dead against smoking. But the sight of someone sat there being so careless about the life they were responsible for knocked me sick. Especially in an environment where you had women going in and out and had to walk past this. It was disgusting.

  Speaking of all things disgusting, after a long day today we decided to nip to the Aldi that is literally thirty seconds away, to get something for tea. Specially Selected Cod we bought, chip shop style. Bollocks was it. Never again. 

  But yeah. All in all it was a good day, and we should find out the sex on the 18th May, which is ages away. Vote at the top of the page...

But It's A Delicacy!!

  I have aforementioned feeding your other half whatever she desires, whenever she requires it. That said, I'd like to add this: If your significant other would like a certain foodstuff or tasty beverage and you too would like a percentile of this consumable, then buy more than one. My experience tends to be based on the purchase of two of my favourite things. Fresh orange juice and milkshake. If you think that one large carton of Tropicana With Juicy Bits will last until breakfast the following morn, it will not. When you ask if 1.5Litres of Aldi's own brand strawberry flavoured dairy drink, "MooMilk", is enough for both of you... the answer may be yes, but I assure you it means no. I didn't get a sip. Then again when has that ever been any different? Forgive me if I attributed that to pregnancy/hormones...

  At least if I don't get my fair share of "Moo Milk", I get allllllll the meat in the house. Elouise is a pescatarian, so any Tesco's Finest Bresaola or Cruga Kudu Biltong is all mine. Cheese singles are fair game in our house though. They aren't real cheese and they taste like plastic but we eat them like crisps.
  Speaking of foodage and whatnot, I have a somewhat controversial subject matter...
Virtually since the beginning of the pregnancy, I have expressed my desire to eat the placenta when our child is born. I mean, I wouldn't just devour it right there and then. I'd ask for it in a doggy bag before they chuck it in one of those yellow bags with all the afterbirth...yum.

  Apparently you can cook it however you want. Fry it. Boil it. Roast it. Mince it into a sausage if your heart so desires. The way I see it, it is an opportunity that only comes along every now and then. I love meat. And not just your standard cuts, I mean like dried and cured meats, game to kangaroo. Now here along comes a meat (or offal) you can very rarely sample, that is both versatile and cheap (In fact free once every child!).
  I won't go putting a picture of a raw, or cooked placenta on here, you can Google it yourself if you wish. But I do think it's a great opportunity to try something that is otherwise unavailable. Plus, I've recently been watching that 10,000BC series on Channel 5. They'd probably have fought over the bastard thing. Is it really that weird that I want to try it?

BREAKING NEWS: Primrose enters as 100/1 rank outsider...

  When March 17th comes around we won't be finding out the sex of the baby, it's too early on. Despite this, baby books are lying around the place and there's a list of names for either sex. I'm really not arsed either way whether we have a son or daughter (you can vote at the top of the page), but I am arsed about the name. Not because I have any particular preference, but the question is basically, "Aaron, what name would you like to shout repeatedly in the aisles of Tesco for the next ten years?"...
  So I'm thinking something short. Definitely not four syllables. "Willoughby-Montague Darby, put down the Kinder Egg!"... F*** that , uses too much breath.
  Luckily, Elouise and I seem to be on a similar page when it comes to names. SIMILAR page. Not the same. I do not agree with all of these, but here's a sneak preview of the lists so far.
  To make this more interesting, and to demonstrate which names I prefer, I have added the odds at which bookmakers are pricing the name of our unborn...

     The process of choosing a name is hard. It'd be easier if we knew the sex of the baby. Elouise refuses to consider the name of anyone she has ever known, or even any celebrity she dislikes. This makes it harder. Anyways, we both seem to have a similar idea, although it's early days so don't go banging fifty quid on Luca/Luna E/W just yet...

Genetically Modified Plums

  Following my last post, Elouise and I have debated the accuracy of apps when it comes to foetal size. The app she's been using suggested that the foetus grew from the size of a fig, to a plum. We were both in agreement that your standard fig is larger than your average plum. Elouise says it's because Americans must have different fruit and veg than us. Even if they're not, its a pretty narrow margin. So the app has been thrown into doubt. During this conversation, Elouise thought this a great time to raise some of her other concerns, like what would happen if my immediate family died in a car crash and resulted in me spiraling and becoming an abusive father and partner. I genuinely don't know if that was the hormones again or not, but if it was the former, there's a heads up.

  On a lighter note, we have the first scan date booked. From what I've read, our little one has all their organs, fingernails and minute hairs. It's head is still half the length of its body though, so nowhere near in proportion. It can apparently move all of its tiny limbs, and now do somersaults in the womb. I hope it gets in all the exercise it can, with the 20th anniversary of Pokemon this year it'll be right on the Gameboy/DS from birth. Not that I need a gaming partner, but on the Pokemon Red/Blue re-release, you need to link up with a partner to get all 150 of the original Pokemon, and Elouise isn't too keen... Loser... Anyways, scan date is on the 17th March! Happy days!

Ten Weeks In

  Last night, Elouise said it was ten weeks to the day since she conceived. It's gone quite fast really, and it's amazing how quickly the foetus develops. We looked at a few pictures and comparisons online. Apparently it now has limbs and fingers,organs are forming and it's around the size of a grape. To be honest it  looks like something you could buy on a Chinese market fried on a stick. But yeah, it's on its way to becoming a proper little dude. 

  Our first scan is in a couple of weeks, where they will check all the limbs and organs are cool, and also test for Down's Syndrome. Pretty exciting times, but the last time we had an appointment it was with the midwife and I felt kind of excluded. Elouise picked up on this so I know it wasn't just me. For an hour and a half they spoke directly to her and barely acknowledged me as a part of things, which was a bit shit. 

  Thing is, I am equally excited about what's going on and once baby is born, I will be an equal part of it's life. So it's really frustrating when you don't feel included. Elouise has been wicked though and I'm glad she recognised how I may have felt about that. 

  I feel ready to be a dad now. Some days anyway. I mean I know I will do a great job of it, and I won't mind having extra responsibility. 

  But then again, today I had the day off work so I slept in. When I woke up I headed downstairs for breakfast. What did I have? M&M's cereal... That's not even a thing! It's just M&M's in a bowl with milk. They were crispy M&M'S mind you, so had some cereal in to be fair.

 But my point is, I spent my afternoon watching Spongebob Squarepants and sipping blue tinted milk from a bowl, and it was brilliant... Probably can't get away with that in a few months time so I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

Documenting Shizzle...

   Since discovering we were going to be parents, I've been thinking of ways to document things, just to keep a record. I think about in the future when our son/daughter shows an interest in their past. If I want to see times gone by, me mam and dad have a shed load of photo albums in the loft/under their bed. But I haven't actually physically seen a photo in ages. Nowadays photos are straight on Facebook, and that's about it. So I'm gonna try cover all angles. I am writing this blog. I am taking daily photos of the bump, and I am writing a little book.

 

  The book is basically a mini diary, which I am going to write entries for when I can be arsed, not every day. It includes the fact we were unsure about things and is a genuinely honest little project. No bullshitting my future child...
  For me this works as a nice little outlet for all my baby thoughts while documenting the story for our child. Kinda fun. Plus it includes Sky Sports type stats and facts on his/her parents, along with cartoons to go alongside the diary entries. This was also the first time in my life I have ever written 'from Dad', and I ain't gonna lie I got a little emotional at this. Hope that in eighteen years or so my kid treasures it...

XBOX...We've had some good times...

 

  So it's a month or so on since finding out the news, and a lot of shit has gone down...

Telling the parents wasn't fantastic. You know when you imagine telling the rents and they're all like, "Yay, we're going to be grandparents!!"... Doesn't happen boys. Doesn't happen. 

  Well it might do for you, but it took my parents a few days to come round. My sister on the other hand (who I'd told a week earlier), was on board from the start. She was amazing and calmed me down a whole lot. So my advice lads, tell your sister if you have one. Already I was starting to think how important a sibling could be for our little un', rather than panic about the one that was on the way.

  Since then I've been a lot more positive and just looking forward to the whole thing. But recently I have started to note a few things that drastically change in the missus during pregnancy. Something I hadn't really thought about so far, and they come thick and fast. Tiredness, sickness, anxiety over baby's well-being and generally being a bit mental. Firstly, support her. The first time she kicked off with me over nothing I reacted accordingly, not even thinking. I quickly came to realise the error of my ways and things to consider to make life easier for the both of us...

• Hormones are ridiculously strong, and you cannot compete with them. If you find yourself embroiled in a totally unnecessarily heated debate over the permutations of an investigation in the BBC's hit crime drama Happy Valley, back down. You are wrong. She is ALWAYS right. 
• Do not cook Thai Green Curry flavour Super Noodles (or any other pungent smelling food stuffs) within a 20 metre proximity of your other half. This will cause your beloved to feel nauseous and an argument will ensue, only ending when your noodles have gone cold. Pointless.
• If your girlfriend/wife is en route, be sure to have a bath run in time for her arrival. Consider candles/ambient music/warm towel to ensure maximum relaxation and minimise her angry hormonalness.
• If you know your way around a stove, do the cooking. If you know which side of the washing machine drawer to put the tablet, and which to put the fabric softener, do the washing too. (The tablet normally goes in the left compartment on most washing machine models, with the conditioner going in the central compartment. F*** measuring it out in the lid though, just bung it in.)
• If your girlfriend is ratty and tired, get her to bed. Seriously. You know when you get proper snappy cos' you stayed up all night trying to get into Division 4 on FIFA online, and you haven't eaten all day? Well she's basically like that only she needs a piss every ten minutes and feels like she's hungover. Try to empathise, and sort her out with a hot water bottle. Imagine you'd sunk fifteen Stella's last night, haven't slept and can't even stomach a Maccy's hangover cure... That's how she likely feels. Tuck her in real tight, then head back downstairs and get on with your promotion ambitions. If you are building a Premier League team, don't shun Fernandinho just because he has a fairly average 80 rating. The guy is a machine. If you are 2-0 down against 'Egg Fried Reus' with ten minutes to go, he's your man. Tireless midfielder, defensively astute and a dangerous asset going forward.
• If you smoke, stop. Or like myself, try and keep it on the d-low. Elouise smoked until the day we found out she was with child, and did really well to stop right away. I still smoke. But now the smell knocks her rotten so I have to keep out of the way with it. Her nose is like that of a bloodhound. I can rip a fart in our bedroom and she'll text me from work calling me a dirty get. Not really, but her senses are heightened...
• She will be tired. Like effing shattered. All the time. It's not a bad thing really, it just means that things are going so well in utero, that your missus is working doubly hard and is a bit done in. Let her sleep whenever she needs to and don't interrupt it unless you are offering food. 

  So yeah. Nowadays it's not all free time = FIFA and GTAV. It's get shit in order, make sure the woman who is carrying your unborn child is comfortable, then maybe squeeze in a game while she sleeps. That said I cannot stress the importance of continuing gaming during this period. Imagine when your kid starts playing Xbox and he inherits a GTAV fund of $34 and an Ultimate Team headed by a silver card Joey Barton and Tony Pulis as manager with the wrong formation... Not worth the embarrassment....