So it's a month or so on since finding out the news, and a lot of shit has gone down...
Telling the parents wasn't fantastic. You know when you imagine telling the rents and they're all like, "Yay, we're going to be grandparents!!"... Doesn't happen boys. Doesn't happen.
Well it might do for you, but it took my parents a few days to come round. My sister on the other hand (who I'd told a week earlier), was on board from the start. She was amazing and calmed me down a whole lot. So my advice lads, tell your sister if you have one. Already I was starting to think how important a sibling could be for our little un', rather than panic about the one that was on the way.
Since then I've been a lot more positive and just looking forward to the whole thing. But recently I have started to note a few things that drastically change in the missus during pregnancy. Something I hadn't really thought about so far, and they come thick and fast. Tiredness, sickness, anxiety over baby's well-being and generally being a bit mental. Firstly, support her. The first time she kicked off with me over nothing I reacted accordingly, not even thinking. I quickly came to realise the error of my ways and things to consider to make life easier for the both of us...
- Hormones are ridiculously strong, and you cannot compete with them. If you find yourself embroiled in a totally unnecessarily heated debate over the permutations of an investigation in the BBC's hit crime drama Happy Valley, back down. You are wrong. She is ALWAYS right.
- Do not cook Thai Green Curry flavour Super Noodles (or any other pungent smelling food stuffs) within a 20 metre proximity of your other half. This will cause your beloved to feel nauseous and an argument will ensue, only ending when your noodles have gone cold. Pointless.
- If your girlfriend/wife is en route, be sure to have a bath run in time for her arrival. Consider candles/ambient music/warm towel to ensure maximum relaxation and minimise her angry hormonalness.
- If you know your way around a stove, do the cooking. If you know which side of the washing machine drawer to put the tablet, and which to put the fabric softener, do the washing too. (The tablet normally goes in the left compartment on most washing machine models, with the conditioner going in the central compartment. F*** measuring it out in the lid though, just bung it in.)
- If your girlfriend is ratty and tired, get her to bed. Seriously. You know when you get proper snappy cos' you stayed up all night trying to get into Division 4 on FIFA online, and you haven't eaten all day? Well she's basically like that only she needs a piss every ten minutes and feels like she's hungover. Try to empathise, and sort her out with a hot water bottle. Imagine you'd sunk fifteen Stella's last night, haven't slept and can't even stomach a Maccy's hangover cure... That's how she likely feels. Tuck her in real tight, then head back downstairs and get on with your promotion ambitions. If you are building a Premier League team, don't shun Fernandinho just because he has a fairly average 80 rating. The guy is a machine. If you are 2-0 down against 'Egg Fried Reus' with ten minutes to go, he's your man. Tireless midfielder, defensively astute and a dangerous asset going forward.
- If you smoke, stop. Or like myself, try and keep it on the d-low. Elouise smoked until the day we found out she was with child, and did really well to stop right away. I still smoke. But now the smell knocks her rotten so I have to keep out of the way with it. Her nose is like that of a bloodhound. I can rip a fart in our bedroom and she'll text me from work calling me a dirty get. Not really, but her senses are heightened...
- She will be tired. Like effing shattered. All the time. It's not a bad thing really, it just means that things are going so well in utero, that your missus is working doubly hard and is a bit done in. Let her sleep whenever she needs to and don't interrupt it unless you are offering food.
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